I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
