We're facebook friends in real life
i think my mom watched the whole time
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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