D3 body, D1 cock
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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