i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize