I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
