so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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