Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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