my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
