OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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