D3 body, D1 cock
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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