Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
