Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
