in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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