She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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