suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
