I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
