DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
