Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
