My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
