im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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