Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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