Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So here I am, sexting at work.
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