She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
