wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
