I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
