Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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