he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
