I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I got inside last night via doggy door
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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