I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
