had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize