This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
