He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
