K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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