i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
