And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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