Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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