This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Can I color on your dick again?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
