I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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