im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
