well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We don't watch enough power rangers
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
