so explain again why im purple
no
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
