Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize