GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
