Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
