i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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