Just fell off a train. Bad.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
