So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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