Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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