You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
