If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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