i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
