i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
