What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
