I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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