I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
