He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i will never coherently bang her
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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