Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
