Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
