Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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