Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
