If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
