"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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