They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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