hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
