She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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