I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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