The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
