i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
