don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
