I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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