my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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