every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
