I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
