please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
