I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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