im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
