Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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