All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
