He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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