Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
