no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
